My Journal Entries...



May 9

So I'm over that insane little tirade I had yesterday, although I did feel the urge to phone Dan back and let him know just where his opinion rates on my list of relevant input. He's been informed that he may keep such opinions and helpful suggestions to himself in the future. I imagine he's now trying to convince her of how nice it would be for her to phone me and "wish me the best." If she does I'm hanging up on her.

I'm really getting tired and am feeling so overworked right now. I have no energy and am merely going from one responsibility to another. This is the first time that Greg has felt like a responsibility. Not that I don't enjoy my time with him, but that if I'm with him that's "all" I can do. He doesn't have a computer, so I can't work on any of my "projects", nor can I work on any of my work related stuff as its all on disk. He can't spend time at my house, so I can never catch up on my housecleaning etc like he can. Its just that all those things that add up can only be accomplished on MY TIME. And since I have so little time left at the end of each day, I'm getting increasingly far behind. Bit by bit its adding up and I don't know where I'll find the hours. Even when it comes to connecting up with my friends online, I often don't have the means and time to spend time with them. Yet if I'm at Greg's he'll take breaks and paint, he'll do his paperwork, and he can take care of all that "home" stuff that I can't when I'm with him. I need about a good week off to stay home and focus on "my" stuff in order to accomplish it all. God I'm such a moaner.

But the good news is... I'm getting my painting on Monday. I get to talk to my mom on Sunday. And I'm ordering some new lighting for my apartment on Monday as well. And I hopefully should be getting paid out this week for my car. All in all I have some things upcoming that I'm thankful for, so I should stop moaning already. But I did find out that my shifts won't be letting up till the end of May now instead of the beginning. I'm helping a friend computer shop right now, and doing up a huge proposal for Greg and his business partner as well so I'm back to whining about my time. Guess I just needed a good rant to get it outta my system. But its still there... DAMNIT.

Maybe I'll tell Greg that I can't meet him tonight and just stay home. I hate to do that as I don't like losing time with him. I just wish that we could spend time here, but its not an option so I really should stop bitching and whining about it already. Ok... I'm done.

M*** if you're reading this... I'm sorry about what just happened with B****, sometimes (and I know its too cliche) it happens for the better. At least you can move on and not focus any attention on it that could be used elsewhere. God that sounded stupid and I'm sorry that I don't have the right words to express what I want to say to you. Give me a few days and hopefully I can find the words.

Rachel... thanks. You're letter reached me when I was at a low point and sometimes a simple hello is more uplifting than any long letter can be. Oh yeah, it seemed funny... cause I'm like a funny guy and all. :P

Ex... I beeped you. No response. I hate CUSeeMe btw... get NetMeeting.

R.R. You did what you needed to do at that time. I still hold you in great esteem.

Jaeyde. Thanks hon. Later is always better than never. :)

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