My Journal Entries...



May 5 3:56pm

Went out last night and drank far too much wine and eat to many macadamia and white chocalate chip cookies. Not that I'm complaining mind you. :)

I was a bit pissed before going out as Greg phones right at six and says "get here right now, start coming over immediately". I hate being rushed. I explain I have to finish up a few things as I was online at the time, and he's really curt and says "we don't have time as J*** wants to be there by 6:30pm." So I turn off the computer, change ASAP and then run to his house. I was in the middle of a few projects and sending out mails so I was kinda choked to stop like that and run over. I get there, I'm outta breath, irritable, and sweaty and they (J*** and her b/f) aren't even there yet. We then sit for almost twenty minutes waiting for them, I was a bit pissed. Decided to take the new trendy advice of "don't sweat the little stuff" and instead just let it go. Usually I can work myself up over inconsiderations like that, but this time I decided that it just wasn't worth it. I think in many ways that's Greg rubbing off on me, as he never gets upset or annoyed. The few times I've seen him mad I've had to force him to actually admit that he's pissed with someone as it just doesn't show on him ever. Gotta love that.

But the evening was fun and laidback. I gave Greg the slip after as I just wanted to finish up some stuff at home, especailly this program/page that I was working on. I just get in the door and Daria tells me to phone I**** as he's been phoning all night asking me to call him. He's a friend that has even worse hours than I do and so we don't get much chance to see each other lately. He talks me into going out for coffee and a walk as he wants to give me all the dish that he's been saving up. It was kinda fun, but resulted in me not getting home till almost two AM. I then spent the rest of the night fighting with this program again and not getting anywhere. Not even sure when I fell asleep, but woke up to my phone ringing....

Met up with my Friend S**** for lunch and she gave me all the hassles in her life of late. It just sounds so nasty, her husband and her fight constantly and she's trying to hide an online affair while she goes through a horrible divorce. Listening to all of it takes me back to when Dan and I were living together but had broken up. The fights, the suspicions, the inability to let each other go completely, and mostly the complete lack of respect on either end. I found that I was critical of her role in all of this. Usually I just accept my friend's stories and support them, but today I found myself emphathisizing with her husband more than usual. I can't imagine how he feels about all of this. Granted he is an asshole in many ways, but at the same time she is the one hiding stuff, sneaking around, and covering her tracks. Maybe I'm just seeing my own past actions in her current ones.

The worst part is looking back on a relationship years later, one where you'd always blamed the other guy, and realizing it was more you than them. To accept that you were the one that was unable to make it work. Its always so much more comforting to assume the victim role instead of actually questioning your motives, intentions and moral fibre.

I got a bit of time in to work on this project, but I'm still TOTALLY sucking at it, so I'm giving up for now. Just gonna surf for a bit and wait for Greg to call me when he gets off work. I actually want to stay home and vegitate, but we have plans. If he cancels pool on me then I may just stay home and work instead. Depends... we'll see how I feel in a few hours. Maybe I'm overstimulated... I'm not the most socail person at the best of times and I feel I may have  reached my quota of stimulation for this week. Maybe a night at home, doing laundry, and petting the cats is in order.

PS: I do believe that I'm the first one of my friends to actually log in while Sean Patrick was buck naked and "working himself over."

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