My Journal Entries...



May 10 3:45pm

Today is a very good day, a good day indeed.

Jason and I had a great time last night. We actually got to spend a few hours catching up with each other, and again feel we've moved our friendship forward. I love pinnacles. :)

As you can guess I stayed home last night as by the end of the day I had a headache, was hot, and felt overall shitty. I had a long soak in the tub and just emptied out my brain for several hours, it was a great way to end the day. Greg was pretty cool about me giving him the slip, he knows how important my "alone" time is.

Besides catching up with Jason I got tons of webpage stuff done and did some much needed scanning and subsequent graphic work. I almost feel productive, still have tons to do mind you. So feel pity till I tell you differently.

I talked to mom briefly this afternoon, but they're renovating right now so time is a definite constraint unfortunately. I told her to try me back once they're finished, I just hope I get to talk to her before the day is over. We only had about fifteen minutes and I gave her the basics and she gave me the basics... nothing too exciting. Surprise, we talked mostly about art and design. I told her that I want to buy her some lamps for mother's day / anniversary combined. I described the light but she's a bit uncertain, so I'm gonna look for a URL and send her there instead.

Guess what, huh huh huh? My painting was dropped off today and I'm just beside myself. I'm supposed to "live with it" till the artist returns home, to see if I want to keep it. But five minutes after she left I'd made my decision to keep it. Its so beautiful and textured. I couldn't possibly give it back at this point. My mom so far (besides Greg) is the only person that actually understands how I can justify the cost of this piece, considering what I make in a year. She's gonna come up for a visit just to see it. I know she'll love it as much as I do, our tastes are very similar in that regard. I love her so much. I may have been born with a horrible mother, but the one I chose for myself is beyond compare. Of all the things in my life I'm most thankful for, her presence is the one thing I don't ever want to live without. I dread to think what would have happened to me had she never entered it. Yet I don't look at this relationship entirely selfishly, I do feel that I've also enriched her life in a manner that no one else could've done. So it works for both of us. I always wonder about my siblings (her natural and step child) and how much they take her for granted, and how they've never seen alot of the sides that I've been privy to. I know her as a person and as a friend not just as a maternal figure. I love, respect, and cherish her.

If she could just access her damn Email addy, I'd be even happier. But I do need to be patient, as I'm often resetting the blinking clock on the VCR when I go home. :)

I also talked my one full brother that is a year older than me today. Can you believe his third child just turned a year old, and that my dad has NEVER seen her. They live in the same city even, now that breaks my heart. My dad isn't a bad person, he's just incredibly self absorbed and selfish. He's sweet, passive, and old. He thinks of himself and no one else. I sometimes wonder if he's mentally ill. He's very close to my one brother and his family, but they also do lots for him, such as clean his house, make him meals, etc. So its almost like people I know who don't discern between people, but instead merit you based on what it is you provide them with. You're not an individual so much as the means to an end. I believe that many people are running around that don't have the capacity to bond on a purely emotional level. Its based more on an altruistic concept of what you provide them with. Not that that is a REALLY bad thing, but at the same time its not entirely healthy either. Its the difference between the role of an acquaintance versus a true friend.

I had alot of work to do today, but instead have spent a large part of my day either staring at my painting or talking about it to people on the phone. You think this is bad wait till I get my Rosy Angelis lamp... then I'll be unbearable.

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