MY JOURNAL ENTRIES

 

                            



Notice: James is currently without net access, and his friend, Noah, is currently acting as "guest journaller" to keep his journal going. Until James returns, feel free to write to Noah (noah@noahgrey.com) to vent your thoughts on his stint as guest-host...


Mar 12 - yep, midnightish again...

I'm bald! Whee! ;) My hair was getting too long for comfort, so I had my sister give me a buzzcut this afternoon. Problem was, she had trouble keeping it even while she was doing it, and ... to make a boring story short, I now have a virtually bare scalp. Doesn't bother me at all, though -- it feels great to have all that damned hair off my head, even if the end result is that I now look like Sinead O'Connor's ugly brother.

Finished reading The Western Canon by Harold Bloom today -- a wonderful, elegiac book ... passionate about the great literature of the past, while lamenting its underappreciation today. In this day and age, how many people are left that read Moby Dick, or The Odyssey of Homer, or The Divine Comedy of Dante, because they wanted to, not because they had to in school? *sigh*. I have more books now than I'll have ever time to read in one lifetime (and I'm a voracious reader) ... and I must confess, most of them were written before I was born, or indeed before the 20th century. The great works of the past are, yes, more often than not, "difficult" reads -- I still have yet to get through Ulysses or Paradise Lost -- but I would rather read not just for entertainment, but to "expand my horizons". I'd rather read someone like Shakespeare -- whose full depths I could never fathom (but who can?) -- and make the attempt to enlarge my soul with his words and thoughts, than just "kill time" with much of the modern trash. (But then, I'll be *contributing* to that "modern trash" when my novel's finished.) ;)

Still listening to (and enraptured with) Mary's fantastic new CD. Another thing happened this afternoon to send me floating away on a little cloud of joy ... Matt left me a little complimentary note on some new works of mine. *happy sigh* =) You know, even though we've said the words to each other gazillions of times by now, I can honestly say that it still thrills me as much to hear him say "I love you" now, as it did the very first time he said it. And one little "thinking about you" type of note, or one kind word, or one :* (symbol for a kiss) from him ... and I'm transported, I'm giddy and childlike ... every day I love him more than the last, and every gesture of love from him is as electric and magical to me as it was a year and a half ago. =) (I was looking at Rodion's and Exodus' pages earlier, and it was very sweet to see where they state how much they love their partners, especially Rodion's shrine to his "little water nymph" ... and then I looked at Matt's note again, and allowed myself to sit and bask in the "warm fuzzies" for a minute. True love is just the gosh-darn bar-none greatest thing in the whole damn wide world, don't you think?) =)

(...and while in the process of writing this entry, Matt came online and we just finished chatting ... *warm, contented, "joie de vivre" sigh*. To feel his presence and his thoughts with me makes me feel as if I've just won every lottery in the world ... to say "I love him" is to say "the universe is kinda big". Words are so very inadequate to the task...)

Was hoping for the chance to meet Exodus on chat tonight, but I haven't seen him ... so, hopefully tomorrow. He seems like a very nice guy, and I hope I'll have the opportunity to get to know him a bit better. I can say one thing, though -- after reading his online journal (and Rodion's), I have an all-new respect for those who keep an online journal regularly. =) Before being the guest-journaller here, I'd entertained the thought of keeping my own online journal -- and I know part of the reason James wanted me to take over his for a few days, is so that I could see how it would suit me. And it *has* indeed been an interesting exercise/experiment ... but I have to admit I don't think I don't have what it takes to do this on a regular basis. So my hat is off to Exodus, Rodion and James, for their superior skills at this art. (And I will indeed -be- wearing a hat when I go out again, until my hair grows back out a bit!) =|:)

Picasso once said, "Painting is just another way of keeping a diary". Writing & art -- or better yet, being part of the divine flow of creation -- is what I live for; "creating" (to use that as a catch-all word) is, more than anything else, what I am. (I could add, "apart from my love for Matt", but in a way they aren't *apart* at all -- love, and creation, are the same to me.) By making the things I create available for others to see, it's the best way I have of letting others know who I really am. I don't have the temperament (or much less the talent!) to do it in this fashion, as James, Rodion and Exodus do ... my "online journal" is in other mediums. I'm very, *very* far from being a great writer or artist, but I *am* an honest and passionate one ... every poem and every drawing is a Polaroid photograph of my soul.

I know you're probably thinking at this point, "man, he's full of it". =) But if you're still putting up with me by now, then I can't blame you for thinking that. I can't apologise in this instance, though. Everyone has (or should have) an all-consuming passion, something that matters above all other things to them, that drives them onward through the hours, something inside themselves that they literally live for and look upon with something like reverence ... and this is what it is for me. This is my passion, my reason for living ... creation = love = Matt. They are equal, they are the same, they are my soul.

...and, alright, that's enough of my excess verbiage for today. James should be grateful to me for at least this one thing: when he comes back, you guys will miss him more than ever after having to put up with me. =)


back - forward

INDEX