MY JOURNAL ENTRIES
Jan 3 8:45am
Now I've done it... staying up all night last night with Jason has thrown my sleep pattern into a major spin. Just finally had it relatively on track the last few weeks too. I think I'm way more concsious of it now that I'm with Greg as he's so regular in his patterns, and I'm one of those people that likes to go to bed with my partner. Never understood how some couples don't desire that initial bit of intimacy before falling asleep, its just the best IMHO.
I slept in really late today and when I woke up a had a friend I haven't seen in ages banging down my door. We went for lunch at my favorite restaurant, this really dumpy place that serves the best and the cheapest Vietnamese food in the city. Everyone I've ever introduced to it has become a regular. But most people won't even go in the door initially cause it just looks so bad, but they love me there. I've been a loyal customer since I moved here. blah, blah, blah.
So anyways, I went over to his house following and did what I thought was a totally selfless thing. I phoned Greg and left him a message that I was really busy tonight and that if he wanted to work on a painting he had yet to finish, then to just go ahead and start it if he wanted the night alone. I've been with him 247 since I got back and though he'd like a break. I also know that if he thought I was coming over then he'd not start it, instead he'd leave the evening open. But when I did talk to him at around 8pm or so he told me that he was very disappointed that I hadn't showed up, he'd made plans to entertain me. That made me feel good, because I honestly thought he'd be ready for a break and wanna do his own stuff tonight.
But I was feeling a little bitchy when I talked to him as I'd been fighting with my friend's computer for about three hours by the time we spoke. Not at him mind you, but I was crabby enough that I knew I wouldn't be much fun, so I gave him a raincheck on the rest of the evening. I made some excuse about needing to work on this computer and fix some stuff. Partially true, except that I was finished all I had to do by this point. Instead I spent an hour composing mail to myself and mailing cracks and about 80mbs of programs to myself from his computer. The programs du jour (or at least the more notable ones) were, internet phone 5, Warlords3, Ages of Empire, and Heroes of Might and Magic. Alot of it I got on disk, but still had to wait the numerous hours to send the 80mbs, the only saving grace was that I was able to almost fully complete the tutorial campaign on Ages of Empire so I had something to do while I waited. My friend left to go out to the bar and I just stayed there till I had fully picked over his files. Then it was into a cab and home.
I actually learned something new on the ride home, that being that cell phones have earphones now for hands free driving. Pretty cool eh? The driver had his phone mounted on his dash and his earphones on, and just flips open the talking end of his phone and VOILA.
Once home I made a pot of nice dark and very strong coffee, poured myself several liberal (if liberal translates into HUGE) splashes of liquer into my coffee, and went surfing. I met up with Jason and an old friend of ours on chat. We had a pretty good time except Jason was starting to get choked as more people were coming online and then no one seemed in any big hurry to leave. We were on Jason's chat room that runs off his home computer btw. I know he just wanted to turn it off and go to bed, but no one else seemed willing to do that.
Tonight I was really struck by how lonely most of my online friends are. Lots of conversations about finding, keeping, and existing within relationships. At most every point I was the only person in the room that was even in a relationship. I felt kinda bad whenever someone I hadn't seen in a long time would start asking if I was still with him, and if that was why I wasn't around as much lately. I would sorta just poo poo it and say something generic. I found that when I talked about how happy I was earlier, everyone just sorta clammed up. But whenever someone said how miserable and lonely they were, then there would just be this huge wave of empathy and compassion washing over them. GO FIGURE. So mostly I just whispered to Jason and Icq'd him all the pics I'd scanned of my family while I was home over Xmas. He did seem interested, but I kept telling myself that it was overkill *G*. Well except for that one amazingly cute pic of my niece at her Birthday party, he did seem genuinely pleased with that one. Then of course we moved on to mocking the conversations of everyone else in the room. Him and I have idenical humor and if I must say so... we are just too much fun together. We feed off each other and never have to stop and explain our humor. More often than not few people get the slams... its all in being subtlely direct *G*. He's a master at it. Like I've stated before there is a fine line between reading someone and abusing them.
Tomorrow we are going pubbing with Greg's friend from outta town, its her last night here. Looking forward to it, could be lots of fun. But I'm a little dizzy from all this sugary liquer... HEY, wait a second thats not dizzy, thats drunk damnit. So I'm gonna go to bed and take it easy for a bit, then go about my day.
PS: would it make me seem like a shmuck if I mentioned that I fantasized about Jason last night when I went to bed? Yeah guess it does... ok, I promise not to mention it then. =P
PPS: I've been OD'ing on Imani Coppola the last few days. I finally found the CD with the song "legend of a cowgirl" on it. Its pretty B-Girlish Pop, but so far so good. But I know when in like two years from now I go to listen to it I'll feel shock. Kinda like when I found my Voice Of The Beehive cassette and gave it a listen after three years, and was just horrified that I used to drive around with that blaring outta my car. Can you believe I bought the cassette single for Black and White by Michael Jackson? Definitely a low point in my music purchasing career. Which reminds me I must hunt that tape down and destroy it before it falls into the hands of any children, god only knows what kinda damage it could cause.
Legend of a Cowgirl
I'm gonna drink my whiskey
gonna have my man
I know ya got nothing to say
I'm gonna have my men
gonna steal their hearts
and save em for another day
ain't gonna hang my hat
ain't gonna take off my boots
ain't nothing gonna stop me in my pursuits
my stage, time to rehearse
gonna see all the wonders of the universe
pack my bags and mount my horse
I'm gonna ride on into the next town
spend all my money on absolutely nothing
need no man to pay for anything
ain't got no shame nobody knows my name
I'm gonna ride on into the next town
(this give you any idea? damned good beat though.. and the vid is just amazing*G*)