MY JOURNAL ENTRIES
Jan 2, 7:07am
Not even sure where to start, alot has happened over the last few days. Some physical, some verbal, some rhetorical, some conclusional, some ... oh to hell with it, no one is paying me everytime I use the word "some", so I'll stop now. *G*
Ok, obviously the first one being that I cracked my editor... ummmmm, totally legal of course. Did I just see everyone nodding their heads in unison? I did? Ok, good.
I'll just start yakking and see where today's entry heads, into what direction I'll spiral the furthest that is.
When I got home from holidays I spent the 30th of December with Greg, and as usual we went out to play pool. We met his friend from out of town (the girl that hangs around junkies etc), as well our weekend matinee friend showed up. BUT best of all, Shandra stayed home. Not that I'm getting bitter mind you, its just it was my first night back, and if we couldn't be alone I'd much rather be with people who are at least both our friends, if you know what I mean.
So anyway the housepest kicked my ass in pool and Greg gave her a run for her money, but she just looks like she should win and she always does. It was kind of nice though, I got more of a chance to just be with her one on one, and I found that I liked her even more tonight than I ever have. We even swapped email addies *G*. She hates Shandra so we had that in common, oh does misery love my company or what? *S*
When our matinee buddy showed up she had a face like a cat's ass, so of course I had to inquire as to her dilemma. Her response "could you buy me a beer, I spent all my spare cash on a rather expense TEST today". My jaw just about hit the floor. We had to explain it to Greg though, he didn't get what she meant right away. I honestly didn't know what to say to her, she explained that she'd been sick (morning sickness) for about two weeks now, and couldn't hold down any food. She was acting like it was probably no big deal, and everyone was agreeing with her. I had some serious doubts, from what she was telling me I believed that she could definitely be pregnant. She hadn't taken the test yet, but was gonna do it in the morning. She's the last person that needs this right now. She has no money and had a few really nasty emotional blows the last little while. Including that the guy who could be the father just taking her for a ride. This was the first guy I'd seen her show any long-term interest in, so it was a double whammy. And now she could be having his child *groan*.
Anyway we talked her through it, and I did buy her a drink... its her body not mine. I also gave her half my meal, which she immediately threw up. Eventually she was on the verge of tears so she called it a night and went home. We made her promise to call us if she needed anything.
Then we went out for coffee and Greg was pretty funny, he got all uptight at this coffee shop and was getting distressed over the other patrons. The Housepest and I hardly even paid them any mind, but he couldn't stop glaring at some woman who was giving him a view of her "love" all the while talking on her cell phone. I finally said loud enough for her to hear something to the effect of "honey, if she keeps showing you her muffin I may have to go and fuck her up." Of course said as a joke and not a serious statement. She got the hint and stopped showing him her panties. All the while I had some guy across from me giving me the stares as well, as he made some sort of sick tongue dance on his straw. BUT I on the other hand just ignored him and he eventually moved on to easier prey. But he did lighten up so all ended well (Greg that is) and we headed home for YET more videos, although I can't remember what we watched. I watch WAY too many movies I swear. But then again Greg refuses to get cable so that's our excuse... we don't watch the usual 5.5hrs of TV a day that the rest of the country does. Instead we watch a minimum of two movies. :)
But it was nice to get to sleep next to him after not seeing him for so long. Probably wasn't so long but when we were alone, I felt somewhat emotional... you know the deal "what if he didn't miss me as much as I missed him sort of thing." But once we were alone he gave me this really nice long close hug and just held me against him and kind of sighed. That said it all, and then I was fine, it was just those initial few seconds that had me doubting myself.
So to sum up the day.... the company was great, the beer was cold, the pool was kick ass, the coffees were bitter, and the sex amazing.
next morning... (Dec31st btw)
We wake up to Shandra banging around in the kitchen as she's getting ready to go to work. Usually we just sort of pop out of bed when we wake up, we don't tend to lounge it seems. But Greg kept pulling me back down and hugging me, it was very sweet. He would lay his head on my chest and put his face against my neck and tell me to just shut up and lay back. He'd wrap my arms around him and just hold us really close to each other. We stayed in bed and just kind of drifted in and out of alertness for about another two hours VERY uncommon for both of us. Till I couldn't take it anymore and decided I was gonna have to get aggressive with him... well you know us boys, we get URGES. *G* No sooner had I got him all riled up than there was a really sharp knock at the door, we waited but it just persisted.
So we reluctantly get up and lo and behold.... its our matinee buddy. She's got tears in her eyes. Instantly we knew she was pregnant... she tells us she's done the test and went to the doctor to confirm it. He told her that the test she used was accurate, and that with her symptoms he wouldn't even bother doing a test on her, as it wasn't really necessary. Happy New Year's Eve she told us through several heaving sobs. She'd start crying and then would be fine for awhile, then would just well up again and start to cry. We let her cry and tried to ensure that we said nothing to sway her opinion or decisions. I just enforced that she ensure she pursues all avenues before making any rash decisions that she may regret. I felt so bad for her, she kept talking about the father and what her obligations were to him. I could tell she wanted to tell him, but unfortunately it seemed for all the wrong reasons. Eventually she heads home to phone her sister and wish her (the sister) a happy birthday.
Greg and I both thought that she would talk herself into talking to him, and would find some excuse to call him. But more on that later.
We spent the rest of the day just sort of lazing around and taking it easy. Rented some videos for our upcoming New Year's Eve at home. Picked up snacks for any of the several people that bitched us out for not coming out drinking, but promised they'd stop by on the way to the bar. The housepest had bought a new dress that we "just HAD to see". Of course this was because she just "looked so fuckable in it". Sometimes she can be such a pig. But she does it with such great style I swear. *G*
Greg brought home some lighting that he'd bought earlier that week, and had planned on storing it till he got his loft. But I was asking him all sorts of questions on it and he lost his willpower. So we spent the rest of the day up on chairs installing the components. Only to discover that there were steel plates in the wall that kept popping the transformer. He was disappointed, but even as a nonfunctional bit of hardware they looked really good. I could see his brain scheming the rest of the day on how he could beat the architecture of the building and still have beautiful lighting... I swear if he gets a thought in his head he just schemes it out till he finds a solution. All day he'd look at it and then just give me that look that says "hmmmm, I just thought of something".
But anyway, no one showed up except for our matinee buddy and Shandra. Shandra hit the sack at 9PM, and the other one dashed out to a party that she suspected the baby's father "may" be present at. You could see that she really wanted to find him and yet still have one farewell drunken night, before she could even start to imagine what to do about the baby. Needless to say, she came back at ten PM thoroughly disappointed and none the drunker. She kept throwing up all her alcohol. But then she admitted that she'd smoked a joint at this party and was pretty wasted, but she was also feeling really sick as well. So I shelved the "don't smoke pot while you're pregnant" conversation for another day.
We had the obligatory New Year's Eve nachos and we all made three New Year's Resolutions. Mine were 1) to live within my means 2) to be more thankful for what I have 3) and to stop being so nasty about Shandra. I figure I'll make the first two my priority. *G*
Oh yeah, videos du jour were Spawn, Swingers, and Jingle all the Way. Swingers was really good, the guy that played "mike" (I forget his name) was so good looking. Greg and I definitely agreed on that, while the Virgin Mary was in high opposition. She liked the skinny guy (Vince Vaughn??), which I totally couldn't understand. Oh that's right now, she's attracted to assholes... there you go.
can this entry possibly be longer???.... YEP sure can.
So today we were just lazing around and Greg shoots up off the couch in a EUREKA sort of moment. He's finally figured out how to beat them nasty steel plates in the wall. To make a long story straight... that was the rest of our day, installing the lights. Which we did and it looks sooooooooo good I tell you.
Eventually I tell him I got to go home and try to crack this editor and accomplish a few things and I bid my adieus on the premise of coming back later in the eve.
I just get online and Dan Icq's me... I don't respond and figure I'll just say that I was downloading and not at the computer, as I really wanted to finish up all my mail and beat this stupid program. Within ten minutes my buzzer goes off, I just about punched in my screen. I ignored it for the longest time, but eventually just closed the computer down and buzzed him in. He wanted me to go for dinner with him, but I kept explaining that I had things to do and was supposed to be heading back to Greg's. Anyway he won't leave but insists on telling me all about how he went to the clubs last night and go into a fistfight with his ex's new beau. HELLO, could we be anymore poor white trash???
But get this... the fight started when, after antagonizing each other all night, the new boyfriend comes up and says "by the way I had sex with him in your bed while you two were still together". So Dan pipes up, "Oh yeah, well I had sex with him in your bed last week". Next thing you know, the new boyfriend takes a swing and ends up getting bounced out of the bar. When Dan leaves the bar finally... all his windows have been smashed out of his car. I just shake my head in wonderment.
For the record the ex boyfriend of Dan's is just this tacky piece of white trash, and his new boyfriend is even worse than he is. So it does surprise me that Dan is getting sucked into all this foolishness. Dan may be deranged, but he is pretty dignified and pretentious for the most part. Now he's "the guy that got punched out by the skinny head banging drug fiend/slut in the bar on New Year's Eve. *sigh*
Eventually I get back to Greg's we watch Multiplicity and Conspiracy Theory and hit the sack. He was just hysterical tonight, almost giddy he was, it was really quite sweet. As we are falling asleep he says "if you can't sleep tonight and you wanna leave... just kiss my forehead before you leave so that I know you left". Which in exactly one hour and fifteen minutes after he went to bed, I did. He just smiled gave me a soft kiss and said "I wish you could learn to sleep with me". I felt kind of shitty and have decided that I'm gonna have to sit him down and talk to him about my childhood. So he at least has an idea as to why I can't sleep for days at a time, and why I'm always dressing and leaving in the middle of the night.
Once home I went online and ran into my ex online b/f Jason. We were sort of playing around and he offered to help me with a program I have. So we went on NetMeeting and were using the Notepad to talk to each other... when suddenly he types "you poor dear, you still have that cold of yours". Then I realize he's been sitting there for the longest time listening to me and I had no idea that his soundcard was even on. He'd insinuated that it didn't work. So eventually we end up talking, but its all broken up, and we just get sporadic bits of conversation here and there. But it was funny, just how we'd think we'd heard something and then respond in what we thought was an appropriate manner. Only to discover that we were making absolutely no sense. But it was nice, I'm glad that I heard his voice, it was nothing like I imagined it. But needless to say he has a really sweet laugh, which I always figured he would. He said we can try again someday soon, I'd much rather talk to him on the phone. But I'm not gonna think about that now, I feel a little guilty as we were flirting minorly. But VERY minorly, innocently enough but yet... oh fuck it, I'm not gonna analyze it. He's a friend and it was fun.
But my eyes are burning and my fingers are getting tired. Time to upload and crash in bed, still have some mails to reply to before I call it a night. So I'm gonna haul ass out of here.
Oh yeah.... I got evicted today. Funny how it seems like nothing right now. I'll talk about that tomorrow maybe, or whenever I remember. Just know that I can't afford to move right now, and that Greg and I aren't even close to cohabiting right now. *bowing and walking off-stage left*