MY JOURNAL ENTRIES

 

                            

Feb 4 10:48am

So I was on the net the other night and a friend of mine from RL was buzzing around and begged me to come meet her. She was going through some bad stuff about her past and needed to talk. She's Bi-Polar Manic Depressive and had a really horrendous upbringing. So anyway she was feeling all anxiety and panic-ridden over various issues, and wanted to know what was "my secret", or in other words why was I able to cope with my life and she couldn't. She's one of the few people who has an idea in RL just what my past was like as a child.

In a moment of truthfulness I told her about the journal I keep and what it's content was. I think I floored her, as she was raised to just "keep it all inside". I didn't give her the addy but I did upload a sample page to my Geocities site for her to look at. I wanted to give her an idea of what it was I was trying to accomplish here. I think initially she thought "how tedious, he's chronicling his awful past", VS when she read it to discover that I also talk about what I had for supper and what movies I've seen. I think it put it all in a new perspective for her, and she tried to assume that my "getting better" was due primarily to this journal, which its not incidentally.

Its also got to do with various abuse forums I've joined on the net, people I've been networking with, and my desire to make a go of my relationship with Greg, or in other words to not let my shortcomings prevent me from loving a man that I deserve to be with. Made me stop and really think about where I was in my life right now and how I was dealing with the things that used to knock me flat on my ass, or hold me back from achieving what I wanted. I'd have to say that overall I'm happy, happy for the first time in many years. I don't have alot of the anxieties and insecurities that I used to. I'm pleased with where I am and I'm confident that I can maintain this.

Last night turned into a pleasant evening afterall, my brother cancelled and is coming up in two weeks, as did Greg's business partner and his son. So it was just Greg and I, we played pool for 5 hours *GASP* and I even came "really" close to winning the first set of ten games. Can you believe at one point I was winning 8-5? We had a nice supper just the two of us, and spent the day enjoying each other and not expending too much energy. What is it about wasting a day on nothing but decadent self-indulgences that is so satisfying?

I'm working this evening so he's gonna stop by and pick me up about noon or so. Then we're checking out a gallery downtown, going for lunch and then I'm heading into work. I have a meeting at the office tomorrow that I'm totally not looking forward to, so tonight's shift will consist of paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. *sigh*

Shandra has been such a bitch lately... she's far too manic for words. She gets up in the morning and when she's making her breakfast she slams around the kitchen and makes as much noise as is humanly possible. She came into the front room the other morning and was sitting on the chair next to us and was putting on her shoes and coat, and was talking in her usual really loud voice in NOT ENGLISH and was just babbling about something or other. I heard Greg just sorta snap at her and then roll over, two minutes later the door slammed and I fell back asleep. Later he told me she was telling him about something or other to do with work, apparently something highly irrelevant. That's when he said to her "do I come into your bedroom first thing in the morning and start talking as loud as possible?" He's not bitchy by any means but I think he'd really hit his limit, he's usually incredibly tolerant of her. Anyway, she's not said too much to us since and seems to arrange her shifts so that she's outta the house while we're home. This definitely works for me. I have my limitations, but she's easily the most self centered person I've ever met, she never considers how her actions affect others, nor does she ever monitor her own actions for the comfort of others. I know.... bitch, bitch, bitch.

Gotta have a shower and attempt to get on with my day....

PS: I'll update my links, etc hopefully tonight... don't have the time right at this moment.

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