Feb  27 5:35am

***Diet Dr Pepper is the drink of the anti-christ***

Noah Grey

I haven't slept yet and I have to work in 3.5 hours, so I guess I'm up for the night again. Its funny though in that if you go long enough without sleep you reach a state of almost hyper awareness. Or at least that's what I find, but I've been wrong before so don't take my word for it. After all I thought the Spice Girls were just a one album fad.


I had the best talk with Greg tonight, but also found out that I won't see him till Monday maybe even Tuesday. Lets see that makes almost three weeks that we'll only see each other one day outta that week. I don't know how people deal with long distance relationships, it would kill me. But I'm doing surprisingly well in that we talk every second day or more and I don't really miss him, meaning that I'm not pyning for him. But then again if you knew me you'd know I'm not much of a pyner. Whyner? Yes. Pyner? No. He's been funny in that he's taken to calling me honey, even called me hon the other day. This is SO not like him, made me laugh out loud when I watched the Bell Jar today and Ester says "don't call me hon. Hon is a 40 year old woman with bad legs." :)


Warning: Due to my inability to sleep today's entry could be a long one, you're best to grab a coffee (or a non-diet Dr Pepper) and a cigarette (or chocolate) now. Don't say I didn't warn you in advance. Ok now that the disclaimer is over... proceed.


I noticed today that I never read gay people's journals, as I don't want to be influenced by their opinion's and content. But I was reading one that I found tonight (won't say where I found it) and I was kinda struck by how some of the content and expressions were almost identical to things I've said. And this was what I felt was more than just your general pop culture ramblings. Things that have always been distinctly me. Even verbatim expressions I use. The dates coincided with the dates I've used the same expressions etc, or at least with one or a few days difference. Not that I really care mind you, cause I don't. I just found it kinda curious, and it reinforced my reasons why I don't want to read journals that are similar to mine. Exodus' doesn't count since we have extremely different feels to our journals.

I admit I don't like journals where people state that they are bisexual and then only talk about the sex they had with men and the relationships they have with women. Like Marsha Dimes says in Torch Song Trilogy "just once I'd like to see a bisexual man live with his boyfriend and sneak out to see the girlfriend on the side." Not that I have a problem with bisexuality, I don't, I'm just glad I'm not one that's all. I think when you have that option its too easy to deny the gay side to the world as you can always have that safety net of dating women and having people remember that. Also I find that for the most part the gay people I know are far MORE upfront with their sexuality than ANY of my bi friends. See I do hang around bisexuals after all. Usually a gay person will just tell you that he or she is gay, while bisexuals tend to confide it to their gay friends but seldom their straight friends. Or at least the ones in my life do. I have trouble respecting that. And for the record if you don't agree, or you have evidence to the contrary... don't mail me with it as it won't change the fact that I know these people. Which is all I'm stating.

When I was about 15 or 16 I had planned on asking this girl I knew out to a dance, and I ran it past my adoptive mother for her opinion. She was really pissed with me as she stated to me "you're gay, and she likes you as more than just as a friend. Its unfair to do that to any woman, you know better than that." That was the last time I ever tried to pretend I was anything but gay. I think up until that point I still had myself convinced on at least some level that I was bisexual. But mom wouldn't have it... Thanks Mom. *G* So now when I see men that I know are gay, and closeted dating women. I get really angry that they feel they have that right to do that to a woman. I'm not the most empathetic person in the world but I do believe my mom instilled in me that inherent respect for people in regards to those issues. On occasion I see gay men who come out later in life, after marriage and kids, etc. I can understand that need to be honest to yourself but I don't lose sleep when I hear these men whining about how hard the ex is making it on them. I would be pretty fucking angry if I was a wife and some man did that to me. Same as I would be if after several long years some man turned around and said, "I'm sorry but I JUST realized I like women more."

Ok, I've about beaten that topic to death I think.


Noah, showed me an excerpt from his computer journal the other day while we were chatting and I must say, I do believe I've made the right decision in regards to who will be my guest journaller when I take my break from this. I hadn't mentioned before, but you probably had your suspicions that I had him in mind. I asked him and he's agreed, I'm quite pleased with that. He's also given me yet more of an active role in the MASSF, power over adding content to the page and power over the webring as well. Need I say it again?... that pleases me. *S*

Even though he's on hiatus he's also been helping (helping my ass, he made it in its entirety) me with graphics for my webring as well. I'm still having some trouble totally understanding how to get it up and running, but I'm in no huge rush to finish it. I'm hoping I can lure Exodus to join as well, but I don't know if he's into it or not. Although you do need five sites to be included in the directory (yeah, yeah I know that you know all this, but humor me its my journal) so I'm hoping that a few more men will take interest once its up and running. I've started the info page on the offchance people wanted to peruse it, but its not complete enough to be viewed yet. Just gonna be the description posted till I can figure out all the rest of it. The one thing that I'm definitely excluding is any sites with pornography on them, as I want it to be a ring of personal pages that are actually personal. Not just links and dick pics. If you think you want to know more feel free to drop me a line and I'll keep you posted on how its evolving. For gay boys only, and must be sites that have all personal content and are actively evolving, no static bio pages. And hey... the graphic is really sharp. Am I the only person has decided against joining certain webrings cause I found the graphics to be ugly?


Daria and I are meeting up on Sunday to pick up our keys and drop off the rent for the new apartment. Her accounts are being changed over from LA and will be frozen for a week so I'm covering her for the first half of the rent. What's even more shocking is that I have the money to do it. I've had a few offers of cars and friends to help me to start moving stuff over on Sunday and Monday, but as of yet no trucks. I'm not really sure what to do about that, nor do I admit that I've given it much thought... I really should have though. Oh well, I have till the fifteenth to do so.


Ok, here's a cheesy and almost embarrassing story for you about the journal. I found a link page through my stats tracker that had my page on it recently, and I bookmarked it to look at later. Well I finally got around to looking at the site yesterday and found this girl's journal to be quite cute. Her navigation sucked, but then again she could have gotten swept up in that whole "spring cleaning" thing that everyone seems so intent upon these days, and may have been "a work in progress". So I read the journal... I sign the guestbook... and quite cutely if I must say so myself. And then I "accidentally" opened the links page again (and yeah the mouse slipped while I was dragging open my address window) only to find out I'd been removed from the page after all. See now I could feel bad, and wonder why etc, but cause I'm an adult I don't. Just seemed kinda ironic... (like meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife) she'll probably think I signed the book as a way of inflicting some limited attempt at guilt upon her. :) Not true. For whatever reason I thought it was a cute story.

Wow, I just started yawning here, guess that's my cue to turn in for a few winks.


PS: I may be getting an award from a cat, kinda makes ya paws *groan* and wonder don't it? The groan was over the bad pun not the cat. :)

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