Feb 17 5:02am

Soooooooooo... here it is 5am and I'm wide awake. I slept normal hours the last few days, thanks to being at Greg's but I can't sleep now. My eyes are burning and I've been crying on and off. Its stupid really, but it was due to reading a post from a newsletter I just received, it was by the sister in law of a sexual predator. Usually I'm pretty good, in that I don't get too worked up over these stories. But lately it seems I've been having a hard time dealing with other's stories, and have nights where I tell myself that I'm sick of the whole "survivor" thing. Tell myself I'm gonna just stop talking about it with people and stop visiting sites that have abuse content. But of course I keep at it.

What got me was when this woman wrote that the mother of the perpetrator actually said "those boys could've said no"... not sure if that's exact, but you get the idea. I just fills me with an immense sadness that those sorts of attitude exists.

Makes me think of the larger picture and I start questioning how people even let their children out of their sight. Makes me fearful for my own nieces and nephews. Makes me question everytime I see a beautiful child on TV. Makes me angry that the entertainment industry still produces images of children that could be perceived as suggestive. Makes me wonder why nobody intervened when I was a child. Makes me question as to whether I would intervene, would I even see the signs. Makes me wonder how many kids will die at the hands of people who claims to love them. Makes me wonder how many people will die at their own hands because someone claimed to love them.

Sometimes I just feel tired I guess. Tired of being a survivor, tired of surviving, tired of all the shit that I never asked for.

back - forward