Dec 9 4:40pm

EUREKA!!!! I've figured out how to deal with the Sow (the boss). I have officially become a YES man. She speaks and I just smile and nod. I define my time prior to meetings with her. E.G.: I can give you ten minutes as I have a fictional meeting at such and such a time. I ensure I leave as soon as she addresses her list of whatever's, and I leave no time to discuss excess information which could lead us into debate. I stick to "just the facts maam" and ensure she does too. Now this may sound simplistic in theory but surprisingly effective in helping me deal with her, so far so good. I know leave these meeting not feeling the least bit of anything. But don't get me wrong I still don't trust her and view her to be an exceedingly dangerous creature, but yet one that can be subtlely manipulated on a very basic level to ensure minimal flux on a day to day basis.

I spent the whole day in meetings around education regarding ethical procedures etc regarding the agency I deal with. Lots of cheezy role-playing and scenario evaluations. But hey I was in high school drama class so this was just like going back in time. Except this time all my peers are dulled looking office workers and overly empathetic **** workers. We actually had minimal debate around social morals and individual perceptions in regards to ethical decisions. EXCEPT for the somewhat heated debate about masturbation. Hmmmmmmm, I just realized that outside of the context of knowing my profession this could indeed be confusing. Oh well, you just have to invent one yourself cause I'm not telling *G*. I did check the homophobic perceptions surrounding two issues and sexism concerns twice as well, and was surprisingly well received in regards to people saying "I'd not looked at it that way". So anyway this has so far been a great day. My time is still stretched as tight as it will go without snapping, but I'm not feeling that overwhelmed intensity that I usually would.

I ran into my brother (the ex junkie)'s ex girlfriend today and was just amazed at how well she's doing. When she was with him she was a bedraggled, abused, and neglected woman with no self respect and even less of a productive future. I do blame him for her vulnerability, he went out of his way to ensure that he created a victim. But surprisingly it was my adoptive mother that encouraged her to leave and helped her get away, she's WAY too cool sometimes. She's in university now and is an Anthropology student, she's healthy and gorgeous. Her whole manner is one of self-confidence and worth, she has great carriage and an inner charisma that she never displayed prior. It was like running into someone you always thought had potential and then gazing upon a successful accomplished protege years later. I was so pleased that I'd seen her - it set the tone for the rest of my evening. I never knew how to relate to her, but yet when I saw her today I can honestly say that I felt genuine love for her and her well being. It was odd to realize that sensation, it almost made me uncomfortable and I briefly questioned my perceptions. But eh.... I just chalk it up to "I love her", no explanations, excuses, or interpretations.

I have a few errands to run and then its off to spend the night with Greg and all of his best buddies for an evening of billiards and beer. *G* I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to spend at least one night individually with each of them prior, or I know I would feel intimidated or stressed. Yet he does have quality friends so there's not that element of how to interact, what is appropriate etc. They are just comfortable and not overly involved. That make sense? I'm so glad that my day was good so that I'm not having to hide any tension either, I just want this to be a memorable laid back day for him. I called him last night to wish him a happy birthday and just marveled following what a quality man he is. There's no hidden agenda, dishonesty or games. What you see is what you get, and what you get is looks, integrity, humor, and respect. Ummmmm, I just noticed how themed my writing can be, its either just silly happy or dark and bitchy. =P

OH YEAH, I finally met up with the ex online B/F last night and guess what. I'm over him *S*. I found that we had a nice talk with no stupidity on either end and I think we'll be OK now. I realized how inappropriate I was to expect anything from him following and now I feel no need to want it either. I've "let him go" so to speak, in order to be fair to all of us (Greg included) I can't have any expectations.

He's had a really shitty thing happen, due to his web content and visibility on the net. Basically he's been outed on the net and somehow his ex principal, who is a friend of his parents, has been privy to above said information. He knows its just a matter of time till his parents hear it, so he has this "unknown" hanging over him. When he told me my stomach just dropped, I know his history, culture, and geographics well enough to know that being "outed" at this point is definitely not an option for him right now.

One other stupid thing. I have someone that's a regular on the chat system I frequent, and he's out to tarnish my good name. Surprisingly... I find it rather laughable, which is something that would usually make me furious and I'd feel a need for confrontation. Especially since he's not someone that keeps my hours online, nor that I ever think about until someone says "he hates your guts and said...", so I'm dying to ask him wherein the fascination lies? Or maybe I'll just Email him a GIF to mutilate instead of verbally  expressing his stupidity and flaunting his socioeconomic limitations (yeah my way of stating that he's poor white trash). Yet I know enough about him that I could shred him and trash his credibility, and I feel no need to react. I almost pity that he's wasting time and energy on someone that never gives him a second thought. I'm gonna eventually approach him and define to him that there's no conflict between us and any effort he makes to create it will be in vain. Reminds me of the scene in Grosse Pointe Blanke when Jon Cusak tells the guy "there is no YOU and ME".

Well...... I really must get dressed and head over to G's house, I've one errand yet to run and then its time to slam balls around and consume copious amounts of liquids. I apologize for the drivelous feel of the last few days entry, but I'm feeling "NOT" torn emotionally so therefore I've been limiting myself to what's happened etc.... BUT be patient I'm sure to find trauma somewhere in my day to day. I'm such a drama queen I swear to god *G*.

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