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June 24th

So Jason was supposed to be offline for several weeks, but apparently he's more of a net junkie than even I am. Just got a mail from him and he's all moved in, has his new ISP, and is back. Damn, didn't even really have a chance to get real with him VIA Email. First thing he did me when he went offline was send me this big long mail that was in-depth and personal, I was thinking this would be a trend... and that I could answer it likewise. But now that he's back it almost seems pointless to be doing that... well for us at least it is. I know if he'd had the buffer off not being online yet, that he would've been more apt to say more and open up more. Oh well, I'll wear him down in other ways.

I watched yet one more movie that the rest of the world hated... "Deep Impact". If you aren't expecting a huge special effects thriller then you may enjoy it after all. I know I did. Maybe it was in many ways because I could relate. Let me explain...

When I was a kid my family was deeply religious. They believed firmly in Armageddon and the Apocalypse forthcoming. I know they still do. I know in many ways I still do. Even though I'm not part of their faith, I do believe I've retained that. All the prophets foresee the end of the world, everyone from Edgar Cayce to Nostradamus. I was raised that the end of the world was just an inevitable. As a kid I used to watch the stars and wait... I still do.

I believe firmly that come the new millenium there will be drastic global changes, maybe not immediately but eventually. Whether that be World War III or some huge environmental concern, or a natural disaster of such huge proportions it threatens all life's existence... I believe it will happen. And NO I'm not insane in a Ruby Ridge sort of way, but rather I have complete acceptance of what I feel will happen. I don't own guns, and I don't horde food. I live in an apartment and there is no possibility of digging a bomb shelter so there...

I grew up being told, in a most dysfunctional way, too not get too close to people as in the long run it didn't matter. Because no matter how much you loved the faithless they would perish. Now keep in mind these are not my beliefs, but those of my birth mother. The only thing I retained was the belief in the inevitable end of the world. I just can't accept that such a fate would not be inevitable. Considering how we abuse the planet, think only of ourselves, and live in the moment. We are continuously seeing how one society's actions affect the globe time and time again. Yet we continue to pursue things that we know are unhealthy for the planet, and do threaten our long-term survival. We are our own worse enemies. So if the end does come I tend to view it as just a way of either depopulating the planet to such a degree as to ensure the continuation of the species. Not sure how to fully describe it, except maybe to say its more of a natural occurrence as a result of unnatural influence.

So now that I appear like some paranoid anti-government, right wing Christian... I'm ending this now. Ummm, I'm not btw. :)


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