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July 19 / 98

***I crossed my legs nicely and everyone liked me. Cause I was so tactful and nice. I wore pretty earrings and laughed at bad jokes to make me powerful. Then I woke up from my nightmare.***

Ummm, either that is by Tricky or Nichollette... I think its Tricky, but feel free to correct me.

This weather sucks... hot one minute, cloudy, windy, and nasty the next. Rain, sun, rain, sun, wind, sun, and then some rain.

Been trying to write this for awhile now, but with this weather, various distractions, and my light-headedness... I'm not doing so well. I still feel just wiped out and sick. I keep telling myself to just lay down and vegetate, but I have so many things that need doing that I can't really relax. Then I'll start going stir-crazy so I'll either sit on the phone, go for coffee, have a beer, or sit out in the sun. Everyone of those things makes me feel that much worse... and so much for having a hot bath. *sigh*. Hot baths are definitely my one huge luxury, always have been.

Not sure where to start, so I'll just start babbling and hopefully I'll manage to stay somewhat on track... and if I can't do that I'll try and retain some semblance of chronological chronicling.

Yesterday was supposed to be a short uneventful day but ending up dragging out until almost six AM. I had a ton of running around to do so I spent my day cruising around downtown picking up stuff, dropping off others. The sun was just killing me and I was hacking and sniffling like a mad man... or is that a sick man.

Greg phones me to tell me that I have to phone our artist friend to ask her something or other about a piece he'd bought and we ended up making plans to meet them for supper and coffee. We go out and listen to her and her husband bitch about the food the service and the other patrons for the longest time. I love them, but sometimes they are just a bit too condescending in regards to the "rest" of the population.

Then after we headed out to the east armpit of the city for ice cream and then back to their house for coffee and dessert. Then stuck around and discussed literature and perused her new piece. Its really amazing. But then again I tend to rave about her stuff at the worst of times so I'm not necessarily the most impartial person around. But its a nice one, religious imagery juxtaposed with some more demonic elements. Not in a cheesy attempt to shock though... just an interesting and effective combination.

She lent me Beloved by Toni Morrison and I swapped her Paradise for it so that was IMHO the highlight of the evening. She was sort of joking about how we could be so enamored of Toni... considering that we are two of the whitest people we know. She's got the eastern European blonde thing going on, and I'm dark haired and very fair skinned. But one thing that I love about Toni's books is that when you read them you automatically envision the characters as being black, unless she states otherwise.

It's similar to how if you just read a regular book you automatically see the characters as white and heterosexual. But I  think people need to read things that make them alter their perceptions, if even just slightly. Even if its just for that time that you are reading that particular piece of literature... its a start. That's what I love about my mom, she reads books by gay, lesbian, Asian, black, Hispanic, European authors, etc. She instilled in me that desire to be exposed and experience cultures through literature, art, and film. A good book, painting, or life history can always tell you more than you'd ever deduct on your own. I'm babbling and my mind is wandering...

So anyway... I need to give a bit of foreshadowing here before I go on. Greg's housepest was supposed to be leaving early this morning to fly back home... around 4am or so. And since Shandra is out of town till Monday, Greg and I had our whole day planned out. We were both really looking forward to being together, but most of all being alone. And yes, we had definite plans to have sex in every room and to just enjoy some good old fashioned naked time.

Our friends dropped Greg off first and then they were gonna take me home second, so that she could come up and get her copy of Paradise et al. I go up with Greg to grab my knapsack and I tell the housepest how nice its been knowing  him etc and that I hope he has a good flight, etc, etc. He looks pleased and says "well I'll see you tomorrow as well." My heart just dropped. It turns out his flight would be the next morning at four AM. So basically he'll leave and then Shandra comes home... AKA James and Greg get no time alone.

I'd been so looking forward to and anticipating this day that it felt like I'd been punched in the mouth.

So anyway I come home and once Daria gets home we start talking... and we talked until 5AM. It was great. We totally bonded. We talked with no reservations and with no self consciousness. We discussed our childhood, we discussed Greg, we discussed her plans for the future, her b/f, etc. It was interesting in that  it was a very spiritual discussion in many ways and a raw emotional discussion in others. I know that her decision to go back is based on the right reasons, and is for the right reasons. She doesn't just want to go back, she HAS to go back.

I talked openly about my childhood, my past, where I've been and where I am. I think in many ways it was the first time she's really looked at me and looked at where I am in my life VS what I am. Usually I feel that she's paralleling my life (and those around me) and assessing how could anyone possibly be content with A,B, and C. Now I think she's seeing a bit more of the texture of these people's lives, and can't be as dismissive with other's goals and stations in life. She's seeing past the surface and seeing the journey of the person within. Seeing more of their soul, than perhaps she was willing to see prior.

*Man this is taking forever to write. So far I've had two naps and four conversations of more than an hour each*

So anyway, I feel totally close to Daria now. I always did but I think we have a deeper respect for each other now. We've crossed a bridge with each other and I like it... I feel like a better person for it. Make sense?

Greg came over today, as I was working on a project for him and despite how vile I felt, we got a lot done. And when Daria left for work... I grabbed him and tossed his sweet self into bed and had my way with him. He resisted for about two seconds till I fixed him with my best "don't fuck with a fag in heat" look. Resistance is futile... you will be sexed, and when you catch your breath you'll be sexed again. Ok James, start from the top...

I just love that man so much sometimes.

The new gay diary list is up and running thanks to Monsieur Lohengryn. If you've got some pink pages that no one knows about then hunt down his address on his homepage... join the list already.

I took his lead and applied to edit a section of NewHoo... and then submitted my site to the search engine only to get awarded NewHoo's cool site award. It was odd in that the person that added me made some comment about my link to Noah's page and left me fully baffled. Then when I went back to check the listing I see that Noah had also been awarded and added at the same time that I had. It was pretty cool. Noah has the best site of anyone I know and to be in a category listed next to his was definitely an honor.

I'm running out of steam. I'm fazing in and out. I leave my computer long enough to cough to the point of vomitting. I think that's my cue to end this...

PS: Anyone that has sent me anything... I've gotten it all and I will respond. :)

PPS: Me-7's cats got some correspondence from my cats. If you study communication between members of the same species then I'd advise you to definitely check it out. My grrl's have the gift of gab and can form the most eloquent  prose (its posted in her journal entry for today).


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