July 19 / 98
***I crossed my legs nicely and everyone liked me. Cause I was
so tactful and nice. I wore pretty earrings and laughed at bad jokes to make me powerful.
Then I woke up from my nightmare.***
Ummm, either that is by Tricky or Nichollette... I think its
Tricky, but feel free to correct me.
This weather sucks... hot one minute, cloudy, windy, and nasty the next. Rain, sun,
rain, sun, wind, sun, and then some rain.
Been trying to write this for awhile now, but with this weather, various distractions,
and my light-headedness... I'm not doing so well. I still feel just wiped out and sick. I
keep telling myself to just lay down and vegetate, but I have so many things that need
doing that I can't really relax. Then I'll start going stir-crazy so I'll either sit on
the phone, go for coffee, have a beer, or sit out in the sun. Everyone of those things
makes me feel that much worse... and so much for having a hot bath. *sigh*. Hot baths are
definitely my one huge luxury, always have been.
Not sure where to start, so I'll just start babbling and hopefully I'll manage to stay
somewhat on track... and if I can't do that I'll try and retain some semblance of
Yesterday was supposed to be a short uneventful day but ending up dragging out until
almost six AM. I had a ton of running around to do so I spent my day cruising around
downtown picking up stuff, dropping off others. The sun was just killing me and I was
hacking and sniffling like a mad man... or is that a sick man.
Greg phones me to tell me that I have to phone our artist friend to ask her something
or other about a piece he'd bought and we ended up making plans to meet them for supper
and coffee. We go out and listen to her and her husband bitch about the food the service
and the other patrons for the longest time. I love them, but sometimes they are just a bit
too condescending in regards to the "rest" of the population.
Then after we headed out to the east armpit of the city for ice cream and then back to
their house for coffee and dessert. Then stuck around and discussed literature and perused
her new piece. Its really amazing. But then again I tend to rave about her stuff at the
worst of times so I'm not necessarily the most impartial person around. But its a nice
one, religious imagery juxtaposed with some more demonic elements. Not in a cheesy attempt
to shock though... just an interesting and effective combination.
She lent me Beloved by Toni Morrison and I swapped her Paradise for it so that was IMHO
the highlight of the evening. She was sort of joking about how we could be so enamored of
Toni... considering that we are two of the whitest people we know. She's got the eastern
European blonde thing going on, and I'm dark haired and very fair skinned. But one thing
that I love about Toni's books is that when you read them you automatically envision the
characters as being black, unless she states otherwise.
It's similar to how if you just read a regular book you automatically see the
characters as white and heterosexual. But I think people need to read things that
make them alter their perceptions, if even just slightly. Even if its just for that time
that you are reading that particular piece of literature... its a start. That's what I
love about my mom, she reads books by gay, lesbian, Asian, black, Hispanic, European
authors, etc. She instilled in me that desire to be exposed and experience cultures
through literature, art, and film. A good book, painting, or life history can always tell
you more than you'd ever deduct on your own. I'm babbling and my mind is wandering...
So anyway... I need to give a bit of foreshadowing here before I go on. Greg's
housepest was supposed to be leaving early this morning to fly back home... around 4am or
so. And since Shandra is out of town till Monday, Greg and I had our whole day planned
out. We were both really looking forward to being together, but most of all being alone.
And yes, we had definite plans to have sex in every room and to just enjoy some good old
fashioned naked time.
Our friends dropped Greg off first and then they were gonna take me home second, so
that she could come up and get her copy of Paradise et al. I go up with Greg to grab my
knapsack and I tell the housepest how nice its been knowing him etc and that I hope
he has a good flight, etc, etc. He looks pleased and says "well I'll see you tomorrow
as well." My heart just dropped. It turns out his flight would be the next morning at
four AM. So basically he'll leave and then Shandra comes home... AKA James and Greg get no
I'd been so looking forward to and anticipating this day that it felt like I'd been
punched in the mouth.
So anyway I come home and once Daria gets home we start talking... and we talked until
5AM. It was great. We totally bonded. We talked with no reservations and with no self
consciousness. We discussed our childhood, we discussed Greg, we discussed her plans for
the future, her b/f, etc. It was interesting in that it was a very spiritual
discussion in many ways and a raw emotional discussion in others. I know that her decision
to go back is based on the right reasons, and is for the right reasons. She doesn't just
want to go back, she HAS to go back.
I talked openly about my childhood, my past, where I've been and where I am. I think in
many ways it was the first time she's really looked at me and looked at where I am in my
life VS what I am. Usually I feel that she's paralleling my life (and those around me) and
assessing how could anyone possibly be content with A,B, and C. Now I think she's seeing a
bit more of the texture of these people's lives, and can't be as dismissive with other's
goals and stations in life. She's seeing past the surface and seeing the journey of the
person within. Seeing more of their soul, than perhaps she was willing to see prior.
*Man this is taking forever to write. So far I've had two naps and four conversations
of more than an hour each*
So anyway, I feel totally close to Daria now. I always did but I think we have a deeper
respect for each other now. We've crossed a bridge with each other and I like it... I feel
like a better person for it. Make sense?
Greg came over today, as I was working on a project for him and despite how vile I
felt, we got a lot done. And when Daria left for work... I grabbed him and tossed his
sweet self into bed and had my way with him. He resisted for about two seconds till I
fixed him with my best "don't fuck with a fag in heat" look. Resistance is
futile... you will be sexed, and when you catch your breath you'll be sexed again. Ok
James, start from the top...
I just love that man so much sometimes.
The new gay diary list is up and running thanks to Monsieur Lohengryn. If you've got
some pink pages that no one knows about then hunt down his address on his homepage... join
the list already.
I took his lead and applied to edit a section of NewHoo... and then submitted my site
to the search engine only to get awarded NewHoo's cool site award. It was odd in that the
person that added me made some comment about my link to Noah's page and left me fully
baffled. Then when I went back to check the listing I see that Noah had also been awarded
and added at the same time that I had. It was pretty cool. Noah has the best site of
anyone I know and to be in a category listed next to his was definitely an honor.
I'm running out of steam. I'm fazing in and out. I leave my computer long enough to
cough to the point of vomitting. I think that's my cue to end this...
PS: Anyone that has sent me anything... I've gotten it all and I will
PPS: Me-7's cats got some correspondence from my cats. If you study
communication between members of the same species then I'd advise you to definitely check
it out. My grrl's have the gift of gab and can form the most eloquent prose (its
posted in her journal entry for today).