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July 15

I'm feeling so good right now. I just ended a two hour phone call with a friend of mine that I haven't really connected with in a long time. I tried to get hold of her while I was on the coast, but she was at a folk festival out west during that period. She got my messages the day I left to come home, but I'd already checked out by that time and was on my flight home.

She's one of those friends that has seen me at my absolute worst, and I've seen her at her worst. We've had everything from sexual tension to outright animosity between us. I've hated her and I've loved her simultaneously.

The time that we went our separate ways was during a period of immense change for both of us. We both had alot of healing and alot of growing to do. Now when we speak we can intersperse our conversations with everything from what movies we've seen to what demons we've exorcised. Its been along time since we connected, too long a time.

She's still journeying towards a space that will find her whole, as am I. I don't think I've heard her sounding more peaceful and relaxed... she commented the same about me. It was just nice to have someone that I could talk to uncensored with, who would be able to understand where I am VS where I've been. With her I don't have to lead into a topic, we can just start on it and where we end up is usually someplace entirely foreign, but that's what I love about her.

Pauses in the conversation are comfortable and introspective, never uneasy or uncomfortable. Maybe its the comfort of having her so far away. I tend towards enjoying that... I need that distance. Yet even when she was here, we were pretty ingrained in each other's lives and never had to jockey for position. We were the best of friends yet we lead such different and separate lives. Yet we were seemingly ingrained in most aspects of each others' lives. I always coveted that, and we picked up so easily tonight that it restored, for me at least, that belief that constant communication isn't necessary for intimacy.

Our conversation was as easy and as intimate as our last one almost three years (or has it been longer) was. Yet during that time I never "missed" her per se, nor did I feel I was lacking because she wasn't here. Its a sense of commitment and loyalty that I just feel and not something that she needs to justify or work towards with me. It's just there. I'm grateful to have it, and really need to ensure that she knows that I feel this.

I'm gonna write her a letter tonight and tell her just what she's meant to me, and attempt to articulate to her how I feel. I know she'll understand. Oh yeah, I'm also sending her one of Greg's pieces and several pictures. Told her she needs an Email addy, as I'm just way to used to scanning and E'ing things... snail mail still gives me the HeeBee JeeBees. You wouldn't believe just how many times I rechecked my postcards before sending them... I was "certain" I'd forget something on them. :)


Tonight Greg and I went and saw Clockwatchers with Lisa Kudrow, Parker Posey (my Goddess), Toni Collette, and Alanna Ubach. I really enjoyed it. Its "kinda" similar to Muriel's Wedding in that it's funny yet with some pretty dark undertones. Yet the shift from light to dark isn't as severe as in Muriel's Wedding.

AND the girl that works the concession is a deadringer for Claire Danes, even sounds like her and has similar mannerisms. I was ready to ask her to marry me, she was just beautiful and so very sweet. Even Greg agreed with me, but he had to add "you're much prettier than Claire." He lacks my fascination for Claire unfortunately. Before I forget... the thing that really struck me tonight about Parkey Posey was the she TOTALLY reminds me of one of those paper dolls that little girls play with. You know the ones with the paper clothes that just sorta "clip" on, and they usually have little "flip" hairdos. If you see this movie tell me if that makes any sense or not.


Shandra's B/F bought Greg and I a present while I was gone... and tonight when Greg went to show them to me... they were gone. Now this just seemed WAY too bizarre. The man buys two presents and both of them go missing within a week of each other. Greg got to scheming and started to question alot of what he's told us, his money, his house, his cars... no one has seen any of these things so we got to wondering if they really exist or not. Could he be stealing his presents back and returning them? Meaning of course that he can't afford them... its a thought.

He runs this past Shandra and she just starts losing it. I think being confronted with the possibility that her B/F is a compulsive liar is not an easy pill to swallow. When we return from the movie he's there with her and everybody is REALLY quiet. She informs us that he had taken the present back... but to get it engraved. He seems hurt that we'd even considered it a devious action... I try and explain that it was just a speculation. Greg doesn't even seem to care that the B/F looks hurt, so I do some fancy footwork and verbally dance around him till he seems Ok with it.

I still think that Greg is just sorta removed from it, he's past the point of caring. To him its a "whatever" issue. He's got too many people in his life, his apartment, and his thoughts. He'd told me earlier that at this point everything just seems too complex, if there is a thief around he's just gonna bounce everyone's ass out onto the street and tell them he was there first.

I can see him needing some privacy right now. He really has an amazing tolerance to have put up with everything and everyone for this amount of time. With the number of people and the horrible lack of privacy... I haven't had sex in about a gazillion years. We actually contemplated getting a hotel sometime this week. If for no other reason than to give ourselves some time alone. Now that is really pathetic... u'd think they would all decide to just leave us alone for one day. I don't think that's too much to ask, ummmm... but really why should we "have" to ask.

BTW, it looks like we are going to Paris afterall this fall. :)


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