journalogo.gif (27635 bytes)


August 12th

Its been a frustrating week. I think I've about reached my breaking point with Shandra and her boyfriend. They spend every waking moment with each other, the larger percentage of which is spent in the apartment. I see Greg twice a week, and very seldom do we get the luxury of being alone. We come home and they are sitting in the front room watching movies or eating supper. Do I need to remind you that they are sitting on Greg's bed. So we usually get to do their dishes if we want to cook something, and then we get to sit in the boiling hot kitchen, as the fans are all in the front room. The other times when we are alone we usually get to spend most of that time cleaning up, as neither Greg nor I can sit down to relax if the house is a mess. But what's bugging me most is that fact that Greg won't confront them, I would but it's not my place... I don't live there. But it has gotten to the point that it is affecting or sense of intimacy. I really resent that. We're never alone, and everything in the house is dependent upon their plans.

Take this morning for example. I think this isn't a huge deal... just the breaking point. We spent last night together, and had gone out to see Halloween H2O (shandra and her b/f were holed up in the front room). Once we got home we crashed right away, as I was just beat. We were woken up three times. Once we she got up to make a phone call at 4am, second time when she got up to go to work, second time when he got up to go to work. The kitchen is attached to the front room, so when she gets up to make breakfast, bang pots, and talk on the phone, its like she's in the room with us. We got up at around 930 and spent until noon cleaning. This is Greg's only day off during the week btw. Then as soon as we finish I told Greg "well guess I'll see you later." He gets all pissed off sounding and says, "but we just finished... I thot we could go for lunch." Yeah, well that's a nice thought, but I had to be into work early. So he seemed to treat it like it was my fault, but the person he should be talking to is her. Telling her to get off her lazy ass, making her respect his privacy, and to put some limits on her b/f. Right now it's like there are three of them living there. I'm harldy around because we have more intamacy talking on the phone it seems. I just am having a really hard time with this. If we want to be alone we have to go out, and that's hardly time alone.

I actually had a female friend of mine say to me... "my boyfriend and I can be just as intimate in public in every matter except sex. So I think you should quit your bitching." Yeah well, that's because you are straight too. Gay people aren't afforded that luxury. I can't lean into him, hold his hand, or even kiss him slightly if we are in public. So don't tell me that I'm being a bastard or over reacting. I think that really hit me the other week, when I was watching them walk out of the house. They were holding hands and leaning into each other, and I just thought about how fucking unfair that felt. That if we wanted to be intimate we can only do it in the home. Whereas they can enjoy the same level in public as they do at home. So in essence I just want them to go out and do it, so that Greg and I can have that same thing  at home. I've hardly touched him in two weeks. They never stop touching. Fuck them.


back - forward