Often I become forgetful. Often I take things for granted. I've been doing that with
Greg. I've been a complete bitch to him. Ok, well actually not, as I haven't really talked
to him this week or seen him. But today when I phoned him from work to say good morning I
had my guard up. I was bristling. I was intently listening for a "tone" an
"insinuation" a slight of any kind would have sufficed. I wanted to fight. I
wanted to blast him and blame him for the fact that I let his friends make me feel like
shit. I wanted to hurt him because I was hurting. I was hurting for no good reason. I'm
overworked, I'm emotionally taxed, I'm spread about as thin as I can be without breaking.
Today was my day off and I spent 12 hours of it archiving files. Tomorrow will be much the
same and then... anyway.
So I say in my coolest tone "good morning". First thing he says is "so
what's wrong with my boyfriend, you gonna tell your boyfriend or is your boyfriend gonna
have to drag it out of you." Instantly I started smiling. Just that repeated use of
"your and my boyfriend" was enough to make me lose half of my imagined
frustration. Next thing I said is "was it that obvious?" He told me that now it
was, but last night it was merely a "tone". We talked it through and everything
is fine. He's strange in that he's not one of those men that fawns over me, and yes that's
often what I get from my b/f's... not bragging just stating a fact. But when we do talk or
he thinks I'm hurting he doesn't stroke my hair and tell me to "cry and release
it." Its like he just becomes very gentle and soft. He takes me step by step through
what's bugging me and we seem to negotiate a truce. Yet he never lets me not look at his
side. He doesn't sacrifice himself for my esteem. I love that about him. I get it out, and
I get over it without working myself into an emotional wreck. He's the best thing that's
happened to me since the B-52's.
Even if I'm just being bitchy or crabbing about someone pisses me off, or getting on my
nerves, insulting me or whatever. He listens for awhile and when he sees that I'm starting
to work myself up and that I'm actually getting upset, he then steers the conversation in
the direction of acceptance and forgiveness to eventually indifference. Like today I was
bitching about my ex-boss <The Sow> and he starts to focus me on the new boss
<whom I'm loving big-time right now as she gave me the best evaluation I've ever had,
this after the sow had given me one less than 8 months ago, that was the worst I'd ever
received... where was I again?> and about how my intelligence, commitment and
ingenuity, but most of all my value at the company is being recognized and promoted,
rather than diminished and undermined. But I was persistent in that I somehow brought it
back to the sow, and he very gently puts his fingers on my wrist and says "will she
still be there tomorrow?" I stare blankly and say "Well, duh." So he looks
at me all moo-eyed and says "so why worry about it?" Just his saying it in that
manner and at the exact moment was all it took. I forgot about her, and enjoyed the rest
of our evening.
I must have adopted a whole lot of crack babies in my past life to deserve this karma,
but I'll take it however I can get it.
OH, and guess what I saw tonight. I saw a 250lb bunch of muscles draped in the softest
looking smattering of fur in the tightest little boy panties I think I've ever seen. Yep,
housepest number two. Just strolling around in his lil tightey whiteys he was. No self
consciousness, no pride, just a gorgeous and so sweet man being a delicious piece of eye
candy pour moi. Eventually he leaves to go have his shower, and Greg just sorta looks at
me and snickers "killing you wasn't it?" I mean like really now, you want to
look... hell you HAVE to look. There's must be a law somewhere that states "thou must
lookest upon that which thine deems too beautiful too even covet."
One last thought. I have this friend who is just a drunken old slut, he's my lost
weekend buddy. Everytime someone asks us to do something when we're together we just look
at them and tap our index fingers whilst saying "you see a ring on this finger? Cause
honey till you see a ring on this finger you'll keep your opinions to yourself." That
of course <for those of you unfortunate enough not to schooled in humor> means
unless we're married don't be asking me for no favors. Make me an honest <wo>man and
then maybe... and JUST maybe I'll get you a coffee. I'm sure that was only funny to me,
but I just had to chronicle that little pearl.
Rachel: I own 6 Degrees of Separation, actually am on my third copy as
people keep stealing it. Usually when people ask what its like I just respond with a
flippant "oh you know, its a bit high brow." :)
Me-7: Its not a kitty condo, ask my girls... they think of it as kitty
Ex: WOW, you updated... was getting ready to send the sheriff <you
know for the chaps effect> to your house to rouse you and park you in front of the
D.Queen: How in the hell do you keep your balance in those heels.... STAY
OFF THE GRASS!!!
Noah: Miss you too. Give me a few days to fix things on this end...
Lohengryn: Thanks for the lick... ummm, I mean link. :b
Jaeyde: I'll read the journal tomorrow was just running out the door
when I got your mail. Congrats. :)
Rayne: AHEM... <tapping index finger> you ever considered dual
citizenship? I hear Canada is beautiful this time of year.
PS: I'm still on Patricia, but having to give Greg a chapter by
chapter narrative, I think he wants me to finish it more I want to. He may not read much,
but he's a fine listener.