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July 5

Often I become forgetful. Often I take things for granted. I've been doing that with Greg. I've been a complete bitch to him. Ok, well actually not, as I haven't really talked to him this week or seen him. But today when I phoned him from work to say good morning I had my guard up. I was bristling. I was intently listening for a "tone" an "insinuation" a slight of any kind would have sufficed. I wanted to fight. I wanted to blast him and blame him for the fact that I let his friends make me feel like shit. I wanted to hurt him because I was hurting. I was hurting for no good reason. I'm overworked, I'm emotionally taxed, I'm spread about as thin as I can be without breaking. Today was my day off and I spent 12 hours of it archiving files. Tomorrow will be much the same and then... anyway.

So I say in my coolest tone "good morning". First thing he says is "so what's wrong with my boyfriend, you gonna tell your boyfriend or is your boyfriend gonna have to drag it out of you." Instantly I started smiling. Just that repeated use of "your and my boyfriend" was enough to make me lose half of my imagined frustration. Next thing I said is "was it that obvious?" He told me that now it was, but last night it was merely a "tone". We talked it through and everything is fine. He's strange in that he's not one of those men that fawns over me, and yes that's often what I get from my b/f's... not bragging just stating a fact. But when we do talk or he thinks I'm hurting he doesn't stroke my hair and tell me to "cry and release it." Its like he just becomes very gentle and soft. He takes me step by step through what's bugging me and we seem to negotiate a truce. Yet he never lets me not look at his side. He doesn't sacrifice himself for my esteem. I love that about him. I get it out, and I get over it without working myself into an emotional wreck. He's the best thing that's happened to me since the B-52's.

Even if I'm just being bitchy or crabbing about someone pisses me off, or getting on my nerves, insulting me or whatever. He listens for awhile and when he sees that I'm starting to work myself up and that I'm actually getting upset, he then steers the conversation in the direction of acceptance and forgiveness to eventually indifference. Like today I was bitching about my ex-boss <The Sow> and he starts to focus me on the new boss <whom I'm loving big-time right now as she gave me the best evaluation I've ever had, this after the sow had given me one less than 8 months ago, that was the worst I'd ever received... where was I again?> and about how my intelligence, commitment and ingenuity, but most of all my value at the company is being recognized and promoted, rather than diminished and undermined. But I was persistent in that I somehow brought it back to the sow, and he very gently puts his fingers on my wrist and says "will she still be there tomorrow?" I stare blankly and say "Well, duh." So he looks at me all moo-eyed and says "so why worry about it?" Just his saying it in that manner and at the exact moment was all it took. I forgot about her, and enjoyed the rest of our evening.

I must have adopted a whole lot of crack babies in my past life to deserve this karma, but I'll take it however I can get it.

OH, and guess what I saw tonight. I saw a 250lb bunch of muscles draped in the softest looking smattering of fur in the tightest little boy panties I think I've ever seen. Yep, housepest number two. Just strolling around in his lil tightey whiteys he was. No self consciousness, no pride, just a gorgeous and so sweet man being a delicious piece of eye candy pour moi. Eventually he leaves to go have his shower, and Greg just sorta looks at me and snickers "killing you wasn't it?" I mean like really now, you want to look... hell you HAVE to look. There's must be a law somewhere that states "thou must lookest upon that which thine deems too beautiful too even covet."

One last thought. I have this friend who is just a drunken old slut, he's my lost weekend buddy. Everytime someone asks us to do something when we're together we just look at them and tap our index fingers whilst saying "you see a ring on this finger? Cause honey till you see a ring on this finger you'll keep your opinions to yourself." That of course <for those of you unfortunate enough not to schooled in humor> means unless we're married don't be asking me for no favors. Make me an honest <wo>man and then maybe... and JUST maybe I'll get you a coffee. I'm sure that was only funny to me, but I just had to chronicle that little pearl.

Rachel: I own 6 Degrees of Separation, actually am on my third copy as people keep stealing it. Usually when people ask what its like I just respond with a flippant "oh you know, its a bit high brow." :)

Me-7: Its not a kitty condo, ask my girls... they think of it as kitty jail. :P

Ex: WOW, you updated... was getting ready to send the sheriff <you know for the chaps effect> to your house to rouse you and park you in front of the keys.

D.Queen: How in the hell do you keep your balance in those heels.... STAY OFF THE GRASS!!!

Noah: Miss you too. Give me a few days to fix things on this end...

Lohengryn: Thanks for the lick... ummm, I mean link. :b

Jaeyde: I'll read the journal tomorrow was just running out the door when I got your mail. Congrats. :)

Rayne: AHEM... <tapping index finger> you ever considered dual citizenship? I hear Canada is beautiful this time of year.

PS: I'm still on Patricia, but having to give Greg a chapter by chapter narrative, I think he wants me to finish it more I want to. He may not read much, but he's a fine listener.


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